Up until a month ago, I was working full-time as an office manager/ bookkeeper for a small company located just a mile and a half from home. I loved the people I worked with and hoped the “little company that could”, would. Well, it didn’t, and when it became evident that we wouldn’t be able to make payroll, I had to go. I believe that everything happens for a reason and the timing couldn’t have been more appropriate. The school year was coming to an end, and I realized that having some time to spend with the kids this summer might be a better deal than working all day and watching my paycheck go to daycare.
I have to say, the first month has been difficult. It may sound crazy, but I liked working and having deadlines and meetings, and being in charge of the operational flow of an office environment. I liked the accounting and solving logistical challenges with our clients. It turns out, I was pretty good at it, too. Now, I am home with my kids each day, and I have to say, this job is far more challenging than the one I was paid to do. There is more repetition here at home, which can become boring, and for me, that is challenging. For instance, the major tasks for me today were to clean the master bathroom and pick up my son from his summer science class on time. The kids are the loose cannons that keep it interesting. Lately, each day seems to offer up new ways for them to antagonize each other, bicker over toys and complain about being bored. I feel it is generally much easier to go into any office of any given industry and spend your day solving problems and coordinating schedules, negotiating with difficult people and completing tasks before deadlines. This is due to the fact that, at the end of the day, you will leave those difficult people and the ever-increasing to-do lists, turn off the computer in your office, turn off the lights, lock the door and go home. With my children, there will never be a time when I turn it all off and go.
I keep thinking, when I worked, I was able to manage so much MORE, and with so much more tolerance and patience. But then I realize, that is because it was only a JOB. When it boils down to it, I wasn’t saving lives (if you’re a surgeon, or an E.R. nurse or doctor, this thought process may not work for you.) I was only there to process the sale, and make sure everything and everyone fell into their proper places. There is so much more at stake when it comes to raising kids! It takes MORE energy and effort. In fact, I can honestly say that in my career as a mother, I have literally saved lives. Pulled toys out of a choking baby’s mouth, rushed to the E.R. when my son had asthma attacks, and a few times… with the help of Poison Control… “Hello. Yes, what should I do if my two-year-old stuck Alleve in her nostrils? Yes, both nostrils……Uh huh.. One Alleve per nostril…. Yes, she’s breathing just fine, but when I tried to pull the Alleve out, I think I actually shoved them further in there….Well, her nose is running now and it’s blue… you know, Alleve Blue.”
I was a stay-at-home mom after my son was born and, aside from a few part-time weekend jobs here and there, I continued to stay home after the twins were born. I started working full time about a year and a half ago, when the twins were 3 years old. Being a mom is tough, whether you work outside the home or not. Doing it well is even tougher. Doing it well doesn’t mean your house is always clean, your kids always well-behaved and never settling for a fast food or frozen dinner. Motherhood gets pretty messy, in every sense of the word. I am grateful for the fact that I was able to stay home during the first several years after my children were born, and I am grateful I am here with them now. After all, my daughters will begin Kindergarten in the Fall, and I will officially be the mother of school-aged children. Life will change again. I will find another job, the kids will make friends, learn new things, join a team, play an instrument. They will start to grow up and require my presence less and less, as they should. Perhaps I will also join a team, or play an instrument. Each new chapter in life offers opportunities for change and personal improvement. I know that the right job is out there for me; one that allows me to use my talents and grow as a person, but doesn’t keep me from being the type of mother I strive to be. Hopefully one that offers health benefits, too! For now, the plan is to spend some quality time with my kids, maybe paint the upstairs bathroom (Alleve blue?) and enjoy being in the ‘now’. After all, right ’now’ is all that really matters.
-Michelle

Summer 2011
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